5 Telltale Signs of a Bad Used Motorcycle

Chapter 1 - The Owner

Dec 15, 2021 — Capable motorcycles are owned by capable people. If the ad uses terms like “phat tire”, “you’re next bike”, and my personal favourite – “whorespower” – there’s a good chance the bike is as defective as its owner.

I always perform the same test of character, checking the pegs, bar ends, and levers… Hmmm, there’s some scrapes and bends on the pointy bits. Let’s ask the owner: did you drop the bike?

Nahhh… Must have been the previous owner.

Almost every motorcycle is dropped by every motorcyclist, ever. If the owner isn’t honest about that, they won’t be honest about anything. Let’s try this again.

Oh cool – aftermarket foot pegs, levers, and bar ends. Did you drop it on the factory ones by any chance?

… Yeah, you’re one clever son of a bi…

Chapter 2 - The Startup

When a motorcycle has lived an abused and depressing life, it won’t like getting out of bed in the morning. So pay close attention to the start.

I always ask that it be left perfectly cold. Now, turn the key and watch the warning lights. On most bikes they’ll illuminate with ignition. If they don’t, a devious seller might have snipped a wire to make sure they stay off.

Next, kick the tires and light the fires big daddy.

Okay, quick crank, easy start. Bad motorcycles make bad sounds as they warm up; keep listening as the engine runs. Usually, I wait for the radiator fan to come on. That way I know the bike also knows how warm it is, and that the fan works. Of course, the wait can be long as he…

Chapter 3 - Maintenance

Bad motorcycles are badly maintained, so while we’re waiting to play roulette with the radiator fan, let’s Sherlock the shit out of the tires. Look for bubbly edges, examine the tread life, make sure there’s no wavy wear pattern (indicative of potential suspension problems). And let’s not forget the DOT code: how old are these bad boys, and how long were they kept in storage?

Aha! Mismatched brands, or mismatched sizes… This could be good or bad depending on the interrogation to follow… Why?

This is wrong:

Uhhh, I dunno… It came like that?

This is right:

Well the D606 front is notorious for wandering, so I pair it with a MT 21. Also, I went up a couple mils on the aspect ratio just cause there weren’t too many options in the stock size.

Tires are the foremost maintenance item, perhaps alongside a lubed and well-tensioned chain. If the simple stuff is off-kilter, you can bet the more complicated things are out of whack.

Maintenance is the most lethal of our telltale warning signs. Give it a good minute of scrutiny, otherwise you’ll be entrusting your life to a dangerous piece of sh…

Chapter 4 - The Ride

Any halfwit with a Toys ‘R Us toolkit and a subscription to Custom magazine can destroy a motorcycle's handling, so you need to ride it. Cash in hand, they should say yes.

Brake check before you pass 20 km/h. Pulsing and biting means warped discs or pads. Slipping means the ride is over.

The key to a good test is not looking at the bike. Save the visual inspection for the driveway… You’ve never ridden this deathtrap before, so you better damn well keep your eyes on the road. Assess with other senses, bring sunglasses to keep your shield open, and smell for burning. Also, listen for clanking. If the exhaust is so loud that you can’t hear anything else, be suspicious.

Anyone can tell when a bike handles badly. It just feels wrong, and that’s our fourth telltale sign – when the bike handles like a crazy bi…

Chapter 5 - The Show

The Show is my final test, a pantomime of sorts... And it involves props: pressure gauge, penlight, multimeter, test strips, and sunglasses to up the cool factor.

Maybe I’m checking for drips now that the fluids are hot. Maybe I’m looking for rust in hard to see places. Maybe I’m seeing if the VIN has been restamped. Or maybe the penlight just makes me look smart.

A recently-charged battery might start a bike, but a faulty alternator will have it dropping below 12.7 volts by now. A multimeter might look fancy, but unexpected battery leads reveal just as many demons.

Test strips diagnose all kinds of antifreeze problems, but a dip strip is the easiest way to spot muggy oil in the coolant, a sure sign of internal engine damage.

The Show doesn’t reveal anything in particular, but you’d be surprised how many owners will confess something while you’re doing it. If nothing else, bringing tools and knowing how to use them earns respect. In all likelihood, these tests have never been done to the bike before. That puts you in the position of authority – to make judgements, and name a price.

Negotiating season is now – with the snow falling, everything on MotorcycleDealers is nothing more than a useless piece of metal that takes up garage space. Or better yet, costs the owner their Christmas budget to store.

The ball’s in your court, happy hunting.